July 1, 2017
And just like that, I can breathe again! Maybe – If I ever wake up, that is. I have been absolutely exhausted all week
long. I think it’s post-wedding let-down. I was operating on adrenaline for a few days
(weeks) there. I knew that was going on
because I had to use Advil PM for about 5 nights straight over the last week
because I could not shut my brain off!
But now, I have no problem sleeping – I just can’t get enough of it!
So, yes – the wedding is over. I have married off my firstborn child. And I survived. I did more than survive the event. I enjoyed it, which was a huge blessing and answer to
prayer. I just didn’t see how I could,
as I envisioned the actual day. But I
was praying and some widowed friends of mine were praying specifically for this concern – and it was a
blessing of a day for me.
It was sweet.
It was simple. It was a very,
very God-honoring ceremony. And I didn’t
cry. Well, I may have fought tears after
Will walked me down the aisle and hugged me.
But that was as close as I got. I
even did all right while Will and Arien had “Household of Faith” played. That was one of our wedding songs. While it played I didn’t see my children up
on stage. I saw Paul and me during our
own wedding as the song played – so many memories. And I did ok walking back down the aisle –
alone. I had dreaded that part. I even remembered to smile about halfway up
the aisle.
A lot of things they did in the wedding I didn’t
know about until it was time for the wedding – probably because I didn’t think
to ask. And if I don’t ask Will, I don’t
find out anything! Things like the
decorations – lots of pallets. Lots and
LOTS of pallets. They are all stacked up
outside my garage right now, minus a couple.
David’s been having some fun this week being crafty. Things like the fact that they wrote their
own vows. Will cracked everyone up when
he pulled out his phone during the ceremony and read his to Arien - off his phone. Technology rules! The table Will made in honor of his dad –
complete with pictures of the two of them that he swiped out of the scrapbooks,
Paul’s Bible, a framed picture of Paul, and a poem about deceased fathers with
a note from Will written at the bottom.
Things like the outdoor reception.
I had been dubious of the entire idea, but it turned out really
wonderful. They borrowed chairs from a
friend’s church and had a sweet little brownie and ice cream reception – with a
DQ ice cream cake for themselves.
It was a little over two years ago this romance
began and now it has come to its culmination.
Well, not really – the real
romance (and work) has just begun! Will
sent me a single picture this week, with no caption – just two bottles sitting
on some sort of ledge with afternoon sunlight streaming through them. I think it was just to let me know they’re
still alive. Arien’s brother told me
they got the same picture.
Now I get to figure out how to quit being Mom and
embrace this new stage of life as Friend.
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Today is Ellie’s birthday. What a difference a year can make! Last year at this time I was pulling my hair
out and now things are so much calmer.
She’s still very excitable – some of that is being 6 years old and some
of that is the battles over her disregulation associated with her RAD. But she’s enjoyable
now and I don’t have to watch her 100% of the time, like I used to, so that
makes life more fun. She had been
wanting to go to Chuck E Cheese’s but I finally decided I just don’t have that
in me this year. To go on Saturday with
no help (David took off for camp this morning) – I just can’t do it. Plus, I’ve already spent a bunch of money
lately. So, we’re going to go to Chick
Fil a tonight and then I’ll take them to the play area at the mall. For some reason, that continues to be a big
deal to the kids so we’ll keep doing it as long as they think it’s cool – it’s
free and I get to sit down, so it’s a win!
*************************************
Three weeks ago the boys were getting ready for
their Colorado trip. Wow – we’ve packed
a lot in the last few weeks! They had a really good time, it sounds like. It was good for them. Ben was really racing there. He had spent a week at Special Camp, was home
for a day and then they left for CO.
When they were finally home from the trip, he sighed one day and told me
he had missed me during those two weeks and then said, “What would I do if you
were gone forever?” Awww…Someday he’ll
have to figure that out, but hopefully it’s a long, long time from now.
As the wedding approached Sam was talking about how
he still hopes Will will come see us. I
assured him that he will and Sam replied, “Good – because Will is my role
model!” And then he added, “I want to be
just like him someday.” He’s such an old soul…
**********************************
I had a disturbing incident happen just before the
wedding at Nobbies. Nobbies is a party
store. They sell party supplies,
costumes, VBS decorations, etc. I don’t
know how many stores they have – I know of one in Omaha and one here in Des
Moines. The owners, I realized later,
also own the Oriental Trading Co, which is a mail order business of the same
type of supplies. I get in there every
so often. A week before the wedding Will
had kicked us out of the house so he could have his bachelor party (at which
one of his friends walked right through my screen door…I was telling Ben’s case
manager that this week when she came to the door and it occurred to me that I
should probably clarify that the guy wasn’t drunk when it happened!). Anyway, I ran errands that night and took the
Littles to see “Captain Underpants” (despite the fighting toilets, it really
was not as dumb as I thought it might be).
I needed to stop at Nobbies and thought while I was in there I would
stroll through the wedding decorations section and see if I could find anything
else for the rehearsal dinner decorations.
I didn’t and soon left that section to go to another part of the
store. When we reached that section of
the store, Lizzie very innocently asked me, “Mom, what’s a _______?” (sexually
explicit activity). I immediately wanted
to scream, “Where did you hear this?!” But I was calm and explained it in a vague
manner that she seemed satisfied with.
Then, I casually asked her where she had heard the term and she pointed
to the section of the store where we just were and explained that she had seen
a box with a man’s sex organs in it and it had the term she had asked about
written on the box - ugh and ugh. Obviously, there were bachelorette party
items over there. So I casually walked
over, staying a distance away, to verify that Lizzie had really seen what she
said she did. It was there all
right. And this time I saw a small sign
warning of potentially inappropriate items in the area. You think?!
Well, the more I thought about this the madder I
got. There was no reason Lizzie should
have been exposed to that kind of garbage.
We were shopping for decorations, not sex games! But I didn’t want to cause a big stink in the
store, either, because that’s the fastest way to cement something in a kid’s
mind – making a big deal out of it.
Otherwise, I probably would have insisted on talking to a manager that
night. Instead, in a low voice I
mentioned my concerns to the cashier.
She immediately became defensive and said that well, there was a sign
back there. I pointed out to her yes, I
saw that later, but a sign did not keep my child from viewing inappropriate
materials. She said she would pass along
my concerns to the manager (yeah, right).
So, over the weekend, I found the corporate email
for Nobbies on-line. I sent a note
stating that I had some grave concerns and was about to take them to social
media, but would prefer to address them with the store first. I had an email in my box bright and early
Monday morning from the store asking for my story! I explained what had happened and reiterated
that I did feel the need to put this on social media to warn other parents
about taking their children into the store.
I ended with this great line, “My daughter lost part of her innocence
and Nobbies has lost me as a customer.” I also pointed out that there are
stores at the mall that sell these kind of items and I make a point, of course,
to never go in those stores with my children – I didn’t have that choice when I
went into Nobbies that night. Within an
hour I had an email from the president
of the company, telling me how embarrassed she was. She said she’s a mother of 5 and completely
agreed with my assessment of the situation.
I had offered a couple of alternatives to selling the items if they
really felt that was necessary to offer them (a separate room with a large sign
clearly indicating the customer must be 18+ to enter or selling them under the
counter) and she thanked me for those ideas.
She said that in the meantime she had ordered all their stores to pull
those items. So, I didn’t put the story
on Facebook since they said they were dealing with it. I just need to get over there again and see
if they really did pull the items.
A little complaining goes a long way…
******************************************
*************************************
I bought new van! I was really getting discouraged. Will had been looking for one for me for a
couple of months and we just could not find anything
within the parameters I desired – and within which I have bought before. He was even suggesting that maybe I should
consider buying a car instead, but I really wanted the room and height that a
van offers. I would have even been ok
with an SUV, if I could have found one that wasn’t a gas guzzler. So, anyway, that was that. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. It seemed to me I was beginning to get two
options, buy something junky for $2000 (not a real option) or spend $15,000 and
get something newer than what I had planned.
While my brother and I were waiting on pictures last Sat. we were
talking about David’s car needing new roters and it suddenly occurred to me
that while he was in town visiting my parents maybe he could find something on
Craig’s List up in the W’loo area that we hadn’t been able to find down
here. And he did! The kids and I went up to W’loo on Tuesday
(all 6 of us crammed into David’s little Taurus because Will took my red van on
his honeymoon – he wanted to put the miles on that instead of his car) and as
soon as we got there Matt, Ben, David, and I
took off to look at this van an hour west of the city. When we got there the owner (it was a small,
Hispanic owned dealership) had it up on a lift, preparing to put brand new
tires on it. This gave Matt the
opportunity to examine it from the bottom up.
As he did so, he explained, step-by-step to David what he was looking
at. That’s good training for David. I was so appreciative of all his work and
time finding this for me. I did buy
it. It’s a Kia Sonata, which is the
first Kia I’ve ever owned. I have a
feeling that Paul would have scoffed at the idea of buying an import, but I don’t
care. The van has good reviews, Matt
talked to a friend who has owned his same one for 8 years, and best of all, it
was right where I wanted it to be price-wise, year-wise, and mileage-wise. So, I am happy and I now have a pretty light
blue van sitting in my driveway! I
already got it licensed and I have a locksmith in DM trying to get me a new key
and fob.
And Matt and David also got the roters on his car changed, which was a
blessing, too.
*************************
The day after the wedding – or maybe it was that night, I can’t remember
– Lizzie said to me, “I just thought of something really sad, Mom.” She went on to comment that she wondered who
would walk her down the aisle
someday? I wondered how long it would
take the girls to put that sad fact together…I quickly assured her she has
plenty of people in her life who would love to have that honor - including
yours truly. But yeah, it still
stinks.
But then, there is this: Both Will and Arien gave me handwritten letters
last weekend. I think they did that for
all their parents and wedding attendants.
Will told me emphatically to NOT read his until after the wedding, so I
didn’t. They were both really special
letters. In Will’s, he said something
that has really made me stop and think.
I suppose, as I ponder this, it’s not a new thought, necessarily, but
sometimes when you hear it put a different way, then it makes you think. He said this, “I have seen you change in ways
I would have never thought possible. ..It took the worst kind of pain but God
is accomplishing what He set out to do long ago: to make you better.” And really, when you put it like that, it’s what it is. No, it’s not fair that my girls won’t have a
dad to walk them down the aisle. It wasn’t
fun for me to not be able to share Will’s wedding day with Paul. But, God is using this whole thing of Paul’s
early Homegoing as a way to make me
better. It makes me think I must
have really been a hard case if He had to use something so dramatic! And then I also think that I must mean an awful lot
to God if He was so invested into my life that He desired me to be better in
the first place.
And then there’s David’s thought.
At the reception, all the attendants gave a short speech. David had been working on his for awhile and
had me check what he had written several times.
Both times I assured him it was fine just as he had it. He made this statement, “The morning of my
dad’s death, the first thing Will said to me was, ‘We’re going to be ok.’ And he was right. We are
ok. In fact, we’re doing better than ok!”
We’re all getting better and we are definitely OK!
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