Summer is
here (after the longest winter, ever). It’s 9 am and it’s already hot out.
Well, the
last week or two since I last wrote have not been quite so difficult with
Ellie. But there are still things. I’m trying to work on my reactions. In fact, yesterday our therapist told me that
instead of writing down all the incidents that happen in a notebook like I
usually do, she wants me to write about how I respond. Ugh.
It’s easier to write about the bad stuff they do! I did think I was particularly clever this morning, although I know Ellie didn’t
appreciate it. Lizzie had been hinting
to me that she didn’t really care for her hairstyle. But, like normal, she wouldn’t come out and
directly say it, so I ignored her. She
needs to learn that if she wants something to change she needs to be direct in
her communication. So Ellie told her
after I got done, “You look like a baby!”
Of course, she knew better than to say this where I could hear, but she
still got caught. I wanted to scold her
up one side and down the other. But
instead, I simply said, “Why, thank you, Ellie!
Thank you for volunteering to do your sister’s chores today!” She was not happy with me. She’s going to be even less happy when she
gets home today and it’s chore time.
Yesterday,
Ellie and I were reading one of her Junie
B Jones books and the chapter we were in was about a little girl getting a
piece of coal (well, charcoal) for a Christmas gift in a Secret Santa exchange
at school because she was such a pill.
Ellie said to me, “If Santa was real do you think he would give me coal?” So I asked her what she thought and she said
she thought she’d probably get a least a little piece!
One other
thing the therapist mentioned is that Lizzie has a low self esteem. Huh. I
had never thought about that before. But
I can totally see it now. In fact, one
of the group activities we had to do yesterday was to list out on paper 8 good
qualities about ourselves and Lizzie refused to do it (Ellie had no problem
whatsoever, and had trouble confining
her list to only 8!) All she was
concerned about was whether she would get in trouble with me for not doing
it. I was not happy with her because she
was told to do this activity and did not do it.
But yet, if she is having self worth issues, then I can see where this
kind of activity would be difficult.
Lizzie is an avoider (something else the therapist pointed out) which
makes sense. That’s even true with the
hair thing this morning. I need to be
careful though, because the whole self esteem movement is really a secular
thing. We all need to find our worth in
Christ because of what He did for us in our unworthiness. I’m not sure true salvation can even occur
until we view ourselves and our sins as something putrid – something that needs
salvation. This is one thing that bothers me so much about Christianity
today. The emphasis is so much on self –
how Jesus makes us feel, how loveable
we are, how God is so anxious to have us for Himself, etc. It seems very one sided and distant from
recognizing the absolute holiness of God and the filth of our wretchedness.
That
aside, though, I do understand self esteem issues. I felt pretty good about myself until I hit
puberty and it took me decades to climb out of that pit. Some times I’m not even sure I’ve totally
come out altogether. I don’t want Lizzie
to experience that and I’m probably not the best person to help her regain some
feelings of self worth, either. Moms usually
aren’t because we’re so busy chipping away at all the flaws we see. But then, if we don’t help our girls see
themselves as valuable – who will?
Probably somebody we would not want to.
*********************
I did
sign the girls up for an 8 week tumbling class in Knoxville. It starts next Tuesday. It’s a bit of an investment, time and money-wise,
but I thought it might be a good outlet for both of them. And, it’s only 8 weeks long. We’re not committed to doing this indefinitely. They’re both so good at all things acrobatic
in nature. Lizzie can twist her body
into a pretzel – seriously. She has this
move where she starts on her back and pushes her trunk up with her arms and
legs. She then moves her head underneath
her entire body until it’s peeking out between her legs. And Ellie can do the splits like nobody’s business. They’re both pretty excited about it. I asked Sam if he wanted to go but he was adamant
that tumbling is not for him! I did sign all three of them up for the “Star
Spangled Dancers” which is part of the Pville July 4th celebration. The girls did it last year – they get to ride
in the dance team float and then put on a show in the afternoon. I wanted to get the kids into swimming
lessons again, too, but it looks like the country club is not offering them this
year. I know last year they almost didn’t have them because
they couldn’t find instructors. I
suppose it won’t hurt the kids to miss one summer of lessons and besides, I don’t
need to have all our days jam packed.
What I’ll probably do is start looking around at other swim lesson options
next spring and they can just do it next summer instead.
**************************
My van is
going to cost me another $1000. Ugh and
ugh. After this I will have put $3000
into it since buying it last summer. Jonathan
rode with us to graduation last Sat. and pointed out to me a vibrating
sound. A few weeks ago I had my van into
my mechanic for some minor things he didn’t charge me for. But I’m starting to get the idea that he only
looks at what you tell him to, rather than giving the vehicle a complete
inspection. So, this time I called a guy
in Pville that had been recommended to me.
I don’t know him. I hope he’s
honest. I’d like to have a mechanic that’s a little closer to home and he’s
only 10 min away. He told me it’s going
to take a week to work on it. I need a
new tire, new left and right lower control arms, new bushings, and a complete
alignment. He said he took my van out
yesterday for a drive and nearly walked home because it’s so bad. I had no idea. He could be exaggerating which means I’m
getting ripped off or it could mean that I came very close to having an
accident with all my driving around. He
said that the way things are now, I could have had a horrible accident where I
would have lost complete control of the vehicle. I don’t know.
I’m sick about paying this much money and I’m wondering if I need to
consider buying newer, more expensive vehicles in the future.
That’s
just the way it goes, I guess. The
church did slip me a check for $200 Sunday so I guess I know where it is going
now!
***********************
Ellie had
an unfortunate incident at school a week
ago where she accidentally brushed a student’s arm when walking by him and the
fellow first grader exclaimed, “Eww – I don’t like it when black people touch
me!” She was in tears by that night and
it was only a little bit later I was emailing her teacher. I am just aghast that these kind of attitudes
still exist. The teacher immediately emailed the school
principal and he emailed me back Sun. night and talked to me Monday morning,
assuring me he would be talking to the boy, which he did. He made the comment that this was probably
something that the child had heard at home.
I didn’t think much about it until today when Ellie’s teacher stopped me
in the hall to talk about it. She told
me then that she has heard this child’s parents make racist comments before in
her presence. It blows my mind. As I told the teacher, our society tolerates
everything these days but yet there are still people who honestly have a hard
time with the color of someone’s skin?
It seems inconceivable. The only
thing that makes me feel a little better is that I happen to know a little bit
about this boy’s family life and it’s not a stable, classy situation to say the
least. I would be more horrified, I
guess, if it was a community leader’s home.
But anyway, after the principal talked to the boy he did give Ellie a
hug, she said, so apparently he must have lost his revulsion for black skin
somewhere along the way.
Makes me
mad. Of all the things I thought I’d
have to do for my adopted children, it never occurred to me that I would have
to advocate for racial equality, too.
**********************
But
anyway, I’ve got my roof and I’m told I should be good for the next 25 years
with that.
I had to laugh when I happened to be outside and one of the guys on the roof pointed to the trailer where the old shingles were being thrown and began to yell, "fire, fire!" Apparently, a worker had thrown his cigarette butt in there. So someone had to jump in and stomp it out.
And then when Lizzie got home from school that day she was horrified to see the men without shirts. She walked up to one and said very pointedly, "Sir? Sir? Would you please put your shirt back on?" David was with her and quick hustled her into the house, saying he didn't think the guy heard - thankfully. Lizzie has always had a "thing" about shirtless men.
It was
actually quite the day for big machinery in my small town. We had our roof going on. In fact, my newest neighbor (who used to live
across the street from me, years ago) needed me for something, came to my door,
and groused about the “mess” being made with my roof. Well – duh.
It’s part of the process. I think he’s just negative – if there is a
downer statement to be made, he feels the need to do it. Anyway, he and his
wife are now building a home next door to me so they had equipment stuff going
on. Up the street, a house is being remodeled
for flipping purposes and that day, the guy had a skid loader going, doing some
landscaping, and then around the corner, some friends were replacing their
gravel driveway with a paved one. All on
a Tuesday!
**********************
I burned
my leg last week in a most unusual way (I thought). I was super gluing a toy/shower cap holder to
the shower wall because the suction pads quit suctioning. The superglue shot out of the tube and onto
my pants. Well…shoot. A few moments later my leg began to burn to the point that I had to turn the
cold water on and run it over the top of my pants. Only, my leg was still burning because the
glue had stuck my skin to the pants! So
I had to ease the pants off my skin which was excruciating. I ended up with blisters. I guess this must be what they call a “chemical”
burn. I had no idea super glue could do
that, though. My leg is healed up now
but it’s got a deep red 1” diameter scar now.
***************************
I was
concerned about David’s party. Like Will
and Ben’s I planned for it to be an indoor/outdoor deal because I don’t have an
open floor plan or a big enough house to have huge crowds at one time. But as we were arriving home after the
ceremony it began to rain. And rain and
rain. It poured all afternoon long. Yikes.
I had the boys set up chairs in the basement. The thing that pleased me though was that I
was not terribly upset by the rain and possibility of having to put everyone
downstairs. I think if this had happened
for the other boys’ parties I might have been more of a mess. Of course, now my basement is mostly finished
and it wasn’t when they had their parties.
But, as it worked out, the sun came out about an hour before the party,
we dried off chairs and tables – and had a really nice time. More people than I expected showed up and
some even drove several hours, which was touching. I got a lot of compliments on the food, which
is funny because, other than the dip, I bought it all. I had fried chicken from Hy Vee and a couple
of cakes from there (white with strawberry filling – so good!). I made a bowl of strawberries and pineapple,
which is David’s favorite and very summery, to boot. And I had potato chips and dip and for the
more health-conscious, some cut up raw veggies.
Oh, and I just bought a ton of lemonade in cans and bottled water so I didn’t
have to worry about making drinks and having cups. I’m getting smarter the more of these parties
I do…
Awhile
after Paul died and I was packing away his stuff I had the thought that I would
like David to someday have his class ring.
Paul wore that ring all the time up until oh, about 8 or so years before
his death. Then, he wore it less
frequently, but occasionally, he’d take it out and wear it for a week or
two. So, a couple of weeks ago I had it
professionally cleaned. I was surprised
to see all the detail that he had put on this thing. He had his initials, his year of graduation,
a tractor, and a deer head. I wrapped it
up and gave it to David the night before his graduation. He about started crying. He pointed out to me that his dad’s name is
engraved inside the ring, too. I had no
idea. The ring needs to be resized (Paul
had humongous knuckles) but for now, I wrapped embroidery floss around the
inside and it hasn’t been off David’s hand since. I told him that maybe it would help him feel
like his dad was at graduation with him.
The day
after graduation David told me that Will had given him a copy of the letter
Paul had written him when he graduated.
This was a pages-long letter in which Paul had just poured out his heart
to Will about how to be an adult and what really matters in life. I remember that Will even quoted from it at
the funeral. I didn’t know he was going
to make that copy, but I’m glad he did.
I have no doubt that Paul would have written a similar letter to
David. So David told me about that and
with his voice thick with unshed tears added, “I’m pretty sure yesterday was
one of those times that Dad got to peek
at us.”
I think
it may have been, too.
*************************
The kids’
last day of school is tomorrow, so they’ve been bringing home reams of papers
they’ve done throughout the year. Sam
had a creative writing piece where he wrote about meeting a member of the “illuminate”
(??) and being offered three wishes.
Sandwiched between a couple of normal 10 year old type wishes, Sam wrote
that he wished “for a dad.” Sigh…
***************************
The other
day I had a tub of margarine sitting on the counter and accidentally knocked it
off. Lizzie immediately jumped up and
started helping me clean up the bit that had spilled on the floor and down the
stove. She was admiring the design left
on top of the lukewarm margarine still
in the container after it went tumbling and exclaimed, “See – God makes
beautiful things out of messes – even butter!”
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